Dread 5/3/22

To Whomever has a say in anything or money or whoever cares at this point…

I have been feeling good the past week. I have a morning and evening routine; regular exercise, meal prep, heck, I even painted. I have shown up in my relationships in ways I have been wanting to, but have not been able. In other words, I feel that I’m in a time where I am a pretty darn good version of myself.

You know why? A few reasons…

I didn’t have to go to school where parking is a nightmare and the only food options on campus are unhealthy, fast food.

Where I didn’t have to learn the values of social work and see the opposite occurring within the same social work program that is teaching me these values, social work professional organizations, and at my internship at a Public Defender’s office.

I didn’t have to sit in class, where last semester I learned that gender specific social work means social work for women. Which means that just “social work” is inherently for men. Moreover, that when working with women, you should encourage them to go to a protest and help them become more assertive. There was no part of the lecture about men becoming more empathetic (which is a skill that can be learned). I can only half blame the White male professor, the lecture was based off of the Cengage textbook.

I didn’t have to go to my unpaid internship (or negative-paid, considering I pay nearly $800 per semester to work for free) that either takes 40 minutes to get to or $5 in tolls. Side note, many of our internships are paying us to work for them this summer. Curious how they have funds now that we worked for them for 10 months for FREE…

Where a majority of my clients are being punished and incarcerated because they have (a) severe mental illness, (b) homeless and/or poor, or (c)have substance abuse disorder. Or all 3 and more at the same time (being trafficked, abused, etc.). Or, in a specific circumstance, they are kicked out of their Christian-based, state funded rehab program because they are gay.

I didn’t look at Instagram before bed to see the latest news on how the Republicans (and some Democrats) in Florida are able to come so easily together to pass legislation in ways that are undemocratic and the opposite of small government. Passing a mandate against a mandate is still a mandate. Or laws prohitibing diversity training and gender/sexuality education protect our freedom, but making abortion and access to reproductive health services illegal does not violate our freedom.

Today, that changed.

Today I woke up to the news that Roe v Wade will be overturned. The leak is an act of speech that free speech advocates call terrorism.

Today I had to take a final at 6:30pm in a classroom, a week after I have been finished with all of my other classes, that took me 10 minutes to do online on my personal laptop. Why? (Some speculation based on what I have heard from professors). Because new and adjunct (basically not tenured) professors can’t make adjustments to classes.

All the while a tenured professor keeps his job even though he bullied a transgender student this past semester (I heard from multiple undergrad social work students that the entire class reached out to the Director regarding this professor’s behavior). But my professor, who is not tenured, couldn’t make a final online and a week earlier.

How does that help students? What does that teach my professor? I haven’t been able to take my mind of finals for multiple days yet my program claims they support mental health.

Speaking of which, May is Mental Health Awareness month. Does that mean I buy a $40 dollar candle?

This post by Dandelion Hill sums it up well…

Entering the mental health field, of course I support mental health awareness and advocate for people getting the help they need. And, to barely get into it, in the 40s-60s, the U.S. deinstitutionalized mental health, for good reasons (insane asylums did not treat humans like humans).

However, by the 80s all the good vibes (and $$) towards mental health and social services were cut by Reaganomics, which left limited funding for community mental health programs and led to the department of corrections becoming the largest provider of mental health (cough cough my clients at my internship cough cough).

Over the first year of grad school, I realized that I am interested in policy, program-level work. This includes case management, which empowers people through the long term by collaborating with them to meet their needs and goals. Helping people meet their basic needs has positive, long term effects on physical, emotional, and mental health.

So, yes, mental health awareness is important. But what about a Meeting Basic Needs of People month? The emphasis would be the most vulnerable populations. The catch? Helping people meet their basic needs helps all of us. It creates a society that values humans, not profits. Worker’s rights include corporate work life balance, etc. etc. etc. Anyways…(half baked idea #1)

Again, yes, we need mental health awareness. But more importantly, we need mental health policies and funding. We need access to quality care. We need what is broken that is causing mental health struggles to be fixed. We don’t need to be sold that if we buy candles or workout more or just talk to someone that our mental health will be fixed. That shifts the blame to us and in return we have to buy things to fix something we did not break. So we don’t get fixed (half baked idea #2).

I have been feeling something like chronic stress. As humans, we need other humans. But as humans, other humans can cause us great harm. Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett, in her book Seven and a Half Lessons About the Brain, discusses how words affect our biology. Verbal abuse, neglect, etc. negatively impact humans. Constantly being exposed to hurtful, hateful, stressful words negatively impacts humans and creates chronic stress.

So everyday when someone who is in a position of power in our country says something awful or another law is passed that is based on hate and bigotry; that is stressful. And, again, it’s everyday. Apparently, the increase in divisive bills is up 413% from 2021 (I saw this on Instagram the other day and I’m trying to track down the source). What does chronic stress do? It makes us sick; in other words, negative, long term effects on physical, emotional, and mental health.

Florida State Representative Anna Eskamani keeps me informed and fights every day for Floridians and to keep her values. I am grateful for her. But also, I want her to stop (not actually, I just want her to have less bad news to inform me on).

How can you be aware of my mental health when the reasons for my chronic stress are out of my control? And in yours?

Don’t tell me to do my part for my mental health or to vote. I am doing my part for my mental health — therapy (which I pay for out of pocket), taking mental health days, and engaging in a self care routine (I know I joked about the candle, but I really do love candles). And I do vote.

I’m also educated on local, state, national, and international issues (read the New Humanitarian for depressing news that isn’t addressed in the Walmart-and-Goldman-Sachs-sponsored-The Skimm).

I drove up to Tallahassee and back in a day (8 hours total) to protest the abortion bill in Florida and didn’t get to even see the vote because Republicans delayed the vote until like midnight to outlast the protestors.

Instead I watched hours of the house budget debate where Republicans didn’t even show up. Where are my sales tax dollars going?

Sure, I can do more, but I am doing what I can. Your solution is to donate to you so you can be reelected? Why don’t you do the job we elected you for last election?

Somebody actually do something. Something radical versus appeasing conservatives. It might not work but we have to try. Or something leftist. Fox News claims that Democrats are doing all this leftist stuff, which they aren’t, so why not do it anyways? What do we have to lose that we aren’t about to already? (half baked idea #3).

Side note, does anyone have roller skate brand recs?